Some Humor

The smaller crocodile turned to the bigger one & said,
'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just
don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Liberals, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by
the Capitol.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars & wait for
one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by
the leg, shake the shit out of them & eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem.
You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time
you finish shaking the shit out of a Liberal, there's
nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.'


When I asked her to the prom, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.

When I asked her to dance, she just looked at me, giggled and
smiled.

When I asked her to kiss me, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.

When I asked her to make love to me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to move in with me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

When I asked for her hand in marriage, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to bear my children, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

That's when I realized, she was a retard.


SEXUAL VOCABULARY:

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around children.

EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

PRIG - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay a virgin until married.

EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

SOBER - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

NAG - a man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just intercourse.