You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

I laughed my ass off over this one.

Police: Suspect in attacks put face in women's buttocks

The man accused of assaulting women in a West Seattle park intentionally grabbed women from behind and planted his face in their buttocks, according to police.

In one of the incidents, the victim told police the suspect apologized and said the fall was accidental. She wasn't convinced.

That man, Duane Starkenburg, pleaded not guilty Wednesday to misdemeanor assault for the most recent case, at Lincoln Park. He had a bail hearing for two other cases -- one on Aug. 11 and another on Dec. 15 -- but had not been charged in either incident.

His parents posted his bail of $150,000 Thursday, and Starkenburg was released, telling reporters that he is innocent.

"It's not like I'm this guy who puts on makeup and is running around attacking women," he told The Seattle Times.

In an interview with police Tuesday, Starkenburg allegedly said "he goes to the park everyday to watch women run as he likes to watch them 'jiggle and bounce,'" Detective Leslie Smith wrote in a probable cause document.
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"His nose went up in my butt," she told police. "I was very shocked."

Go read this story, you'll laugh at this one too!
Some people!